"I'm Sorry"

Growing up, one of the most upsetting things a person could say to me when I told them I had Sickle Cell or that I had been hospitalized were the words, “I’m sorry.” Nothing angered me more. “Why are you sorry, you didn’t put me in the hospital!” I exclaimed to myself. Pity was absolutely the last thing I wanted from anybody. As I grew a little bit more mature, I began to comprehend what that phrase, in that context, truly meant.

There are no words in the human language—or at least the English language—which adequately conveys what one feels when they hear of a loved ones pain. The term “I’m sorry” generally doesn’t mean, “I feel sorry for you” or “I pity you,” but rather reflects a loss of words on their part. Many people feel ill equipped to express the appropriate words to console you. They may experience sorrow that you have to endure the discomfort of your illness. As I said before, they may feel powerless to do anything to make things better for you. Some may even feel a tinge of guilt for having a life free of the adversities you experience. The expression “I’m sorry” is the only phrase one can think of to say which remotely comes close to conveying the love, concern, sympathy, and flood of other emotions they have for you.

Gaining insight into the hidden meaning behind this expression has helped me as an adult. However, I still dislike it when somebody says, “I’m sorry” after hearing about my health problems. Like I said, I matured, a little. Now, rather than getting upset by that phrase as I once did, I try to appreciate the words for what they represent. So when somebody tells you they’re sorry, try to realize it’s an expression of sympathy—which is very different than pity.