As a result of my many hospitalizations, I learned two lessons in life very well: (1) Everybody has pain, and (2) Somebody always has it worse than I do.
Since the last four sections have been about maintaining mental, emotional, and spiritual health, you might wonder how the idea “Everybody Has Pain” fits in with what’s already been discussed. As with so many things in life, perspective makes all the difference. When you understand your pain is no greater than the person sitting next to you and you aren’t the only person living with hurt, it’s easier to not have a “woe is me” attitude.
Don’t fool yourself into thinking you are the only one that has it hard. Pain takes many forms. Some people have a bad family life or the pain of having no family at all. Many struggle with crippling depression or other forms of mental illness. Some live with terrible phobias that control their lives. Others have constant bone, muscle or other forms of pain and disease that far exceeds your own. Some are bed ridden, unable to move or speak. Others live with traumatic memories that haunt them day and night. The list is endless.
I know many people who live with chronic back pain or some other kind of physical discomfort. Often they’ll say to me, “I know my pain doesn’t compare to yours . . .yadda yadda yadda.” It makes me sad when people express such things to me. I don’t believe my pain is any greater than Billy-Bob’s broken butt or Tiny-Tim’s twisted toes. Everybody’s pain tolerance is different.
Try to not think of your discomfort as being greater than Jittering Jane’s next door. In doing so, you may find yourself growing callous to the suffering of others and insensitive to their needs. If and when that happens it won’t be long before the negative energy from such self-centered thoughts begin to influence your 4-Points of Health in undesirable ways.
Showing posts with label 12) The Salvation of Service. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 12) The Salvation of Service. Show all posts
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Somebody Has it Worse Than You
When I was hospitalized as a child, most of the children I shared a room with were fighting cancer. Over and over again I saw first hand how sick the treatments made them. On occasion I would room with other Sickle Cell patients. One child in particular had suffered lasting brain damage from a stroke. I recognized at a young age how blessed I was to survive my stroke free of long term damage.
As an adult, with every monthly visit to my pain clinic, my eyes witness the severity of other people’s pain. Upon the faces of many patients in the waiting room, I observe the agony every move brings them. The unrelenting discomfort from lost or deformed limbs is written upon the expressions of many. It’s abundantly clear to me that some people’s suffering is far worse than mine.
It’s easy to become solely focused on the hardship you face in your own life. It may be a temptation to judge a healthy person and think “I have all these problems, miss half my class time, keep a 4.0 G.P.A., work two jobs and you can’t even get a passing grade in Gym class?!” I’m exaggerating, but you get the idea.
The thing to remember is, you can’t look into every aspect of a person’s life. Yes, he/she may be perfectly healthy, but you don’t know what’s going on inside their head, home, or heart. There are issues in life other than medical problems that can cause people to have pain greater than yours.
As an adult, with every monthly visit to my pain clinic, my eyes witness the severity of other people’s pain. Upon the faces of many patients in the waiting room, I observe the agony every move brings them. The unrelenting discomfort from lost or deformed limbs is written upon the expressions of many. It’s abundantly clear to me that some people’s suffering is far worse than mine.
It’s easy to become solely focused on the hardship you face in your own life. It may be a temptation to judge a healthy person and think “I have all these problems, miss half my class time, keep a 4.0 G.P.A., work two jobs and you can’t even get a passing grade in Gym class?!” I’m exaggerating, but you get the idea.
The thing to remember is, you can’t look into every aspect of a person’s life. Yes, he/she may be perfectly healthy, but you don’t know what’s going on inside their head, home, or heart. There are issues in life other than medical problems that can cause people to have pain greater than yours.
See Others Pain
As I’ve said before, living with Sickle Cell can give you a unique perspective in life. By looking beyond your discomfort, you will be able to see when people are in pain. Often it can be observed in the way they move. Others show the discomfort upon the expressions on their face. At times a persons pain can be heard in their voice or seen in their posture. Developing this insight will help you become sensitive to people’s needs. Use this tool to build meaningful relationships.
One day I was in the hair salon getting my hair cut. While conversing with the woman who was doing my hair, I observed she had the residue from hospital tape stuck on her arm. I asked her carefully, “I hope I’m not asking too personal of a question, but were you in the hospital recently?” She was surprised by my observation and touched that I expressed concern. It allowed us to share common personal experiences, which was something I think she needed at the time.
By being observant and opening your heart to the hardship of others, you may be able to help someone in need. Perhaps you can tell them about treatments that have worked for you. Maybe you have insights about a medication that can help them. Or you may have pointers on how to mentally manage pain.
Simply acknowledging another’s discomfort can be an act of kindness. In my life, the friendships that mean the most to me are with those who recognize when I’m in pain. The words, “Is your back hurting,” mean a great deal to me. It tells me my friend sees the pain I’m in and wishes he/she could do something to relieve it. Even if there’s nothing they can do, the fact that they acknowledge my pain is a touching expression of their love.
Use the opportunity living with a chronic illness has given you. That opportunity is to utilize what you’ve learned from being sick to help others. Of course you could choose to be an angry bitter person who’s unsympathetic to other people’s pain—that’s “the quick and easy path” (another quote from Yoda). Or you can choose to be a compassionate, caring person who reaches out to help others carry their burdens.
One day I was in the hair salon getting my hair cut. While conversing with the woman who was doing my hair, I observed she had the residue from hospital tape stuck on her arm. I asked her carefully, “I hope I’m not asking too personal of a question, but were you in the hospital recently?” She was surprised by my observation and touched that I expressed concern. It allowed us to share common personal experiences, which was something I think she needed at the time.
By being observant and opening your heart to the hardship of others, you may be able to help someone in need. Perhaps you can tell them about treatments that have worked for you. Maybe you have insights about a medication that can help them. Or you may have pointers on how to mentally manage pain.
Simply acknowledging another’s discomfort can be an act of kindness. In my life, the friendships that mean the most to me are with those who recognize when I’m in pain. The words, “Is your back hurting,” mean a great deal to me. It tells me my friend sees the pain I’m in and wishes he/she could do something to relieve it. Even if there’s nothing they can do, the fact that they acknowledge my pain is a touching expression of their love.
Use the opportunity living with a chronic illness has given you. That opportunity is to utilize what you’ve learned from being sick to help others. Of course you could choose to be an angry bitter person who’s unsympathetic to other people’s pain—that’s “the quick and easy path” (another quote from Yoda). Or you can choose to be a compassionate, caring person who reaches out to help others carry their burdens.
Liberation in Serving
One of the best things you can do for your own mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being is to find ways to serve other people.
I think it’s fair to say nobody would want the trials you have in life. The reverse is equally true—you wouldn’t want anyone else’s (unless, of course, that trial took the form of having an endless supply of money, then I, for one, would be happy to unburden anybody who volunteers). Serving others makes it easier to be grateful for your own challenges. It also gives you the opportunity to develop emotional connections you might not otherwise have.
There are an infinite number of ways you can help others. For instance, you can provide service:
➢ To people at your church,
➢ To people in your community,
➢ By performing random acts of kindness—that’s doing something nice for someone without a reason,
➢ By reaching out to others in need of friendship and support,
➢ By volunteering your time to a good cause.
These are only a few ideas as to how you can become involved and offer your time for service.
In addition to everything I’ve discussed above, service can help combat depression. Filling your time and thoughts with charitable acts means you have less time to think about your hardships. Helping people not only feels good, but it also allows you to feel good about yourself. Service can help boost your self-worth. If you’re struggling with depression, finding ways to serve others may be the best treatment for that as well.
One final thought about service. Like all things, the attitude you have about the task at hand makes all the difference in the world. If you have sourpuss feelings when helping others, neither you nor the people you aid are going to benefit from your alleged kindness. However, if your service is offered cheerfully and with love, the reward can be great; both for you and those you’re serving.
I think it’s fair to say nobody would want the trials you have in life. The reverse is equally true—you wouldn’t want anyone else’s (unless, of course, that trial took the form of having an endless supply of money, then I, for one, would be happy to unburden anybody who volunteers). Serving others makes it easier to be grateful for your own challenges. It also gives you the opportunity to develop emotional connections you might not otherwise have.
There are an infinite number of ways you can help others. For instance, you can provide service:
➢ To people at your church,
➢ To people in your community,
➢ By performing random acts of kindness—that’s doing something nice for someone without a reason,
➢ By reaching out to others in need of friendship and support,
➢ By volunteering your time to a good cause.
These are only a few ideas as to how you can become involved and offer your time for service.
In addition to everything I’ve discussed above, service can help combat depression. Filling your time and thoughts with charitable acts means you have less time to think about your hardships. Helping people not only feels good, but it also allows you to feel good about yourself. Service can help boost your self-worth. If you’re struggling with depression, finding ways to serve others may be the best treatment for that as well.
One final thought about service. Like all things, the attitude you have about the task at hand makes all the difference in the world. If you have sourpuss feelings when helping others, neither you nor the people you aid are going to benefit from your alleged kindness. However, if your service is offered cheerfully and with love, the reward can be great; both for you and those you’re serving.
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