SCD & Emotional Barriers #4: Isolation

Looking at the walls I’ve built up around myself, I see some contributing factors. One of those factors has come from not having friends visit me when I’m sick.

To date, I have been admitted to Loma Linda University Medical Center one hundred sixteen times. Over 100 occurred from ages 9-18. During those nine years, I never once had a classmate or friend visit me in the hospital; not once. I had my parents, siblings, bishops from my church, and a few church members visit me, but never a friend. Even as an adult the number of friends who've visited in the hospital has been very, very small.

When nobody visits--and I was blessed to have a family that did--when nobody calls or writes...let me tell you, it adds bricks to the wall we build around our emotions. When I came back to school or church from a long illness and people said, “I was so worried about you,” my first thought was, “Not worried enough to visit, call or write apparently.” Though there may be reasons for this--which I talk about in Section 17--it still hurts.

When a person's words of compassion are louder than their acts of compassion, resentment builds. You feel as though people don’t care; you believe their concerned expressions are just empty words; and you think, what's the point in sharing your life with anybody? When you hold the belief that there isn't anybody who sincerely cares about our well-being, it's difficult to open up and let in the people who do genuinely care.

Chronic illness forces you to be isolated for days, weeks, months or even years at a time. When this happens, you learn to do things for yourself and by yourself. You become use to the solitude and begin to emotionally withdraw yourself from others.

To parents who ask, "How can I help my child not build walls around their emotions?" My answer is--in addition to the things I talked about in Part two and three--encourage your child's friends and classmates to:
    •visit your son/daughter in the hospital or at home;
    •call your child on the phone if they can't visit;
    •send cards or emotions that express their love;
    •do something to let your child know they are missed.

Those simple acts of love can make a big difference.