SCD & Emotional Barriers #3: Apathy

There is a line in the movie about Jack Robinson, 42. The line is: "The word 'sympathy' comes from the Greek word 'suffer'. To sympathize with somebody means to suffer with somebody." It's a great quote from a great movie.

Sympathy is something that is taught. I give so much credit to my mother. I can’t recall all the times she said to me, “Try to put yourself in that person’s position,” or, “Try to imagine how that person feels.”

With the amount of pain and hospitalizations Sickle Cell patients experience, it can be very easy to become apathetic towards to the suffering of others. I credit my parents for my ability to recognize when another person is in pain and to have compassion for that pain.

It has always bothered me when somebody says to me, “I know my pain doesn’t compare to yours.” My thought is, “We all feel and cope with pain differently; and we all have our own trials in life.” I can’t allow myself to think my trial is so much greater than another individual's. I haven’t lived that person’s life; maybe what I consider to be a light amount of pain would be horrific for somebody else. Or perhaps they have mental or emotional pain far beyond what I endure. (For more on this, see Section 12).

I’m not saying I’m perfect in this area. There are times when I catch myself silently scoffing at somebody who is crying about something I would consider to be very minor. But I have to remind myself that I don’t know what’s going on in their life.

Having compassion for the suffering of another living being must be taught. When a child is continuously left to fend for themselves, left alone in a hospital bed, and is not shown compassion by loved ones, barriers build. The metaphorical skin becomes impossibly thick; the mind becomes hardened; and compassion is lost. It’s the responsibility of parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and loved ones to teach children how to be compassionate in spite of their own suffering.

There is an individual I know who, as a child, was never taught to think about how other people feel. Now, as an adult, this person is extremely self-centered. The only thing that matters is what he wants. He does not recognize the generosity of others; he does not appreciate what he has; and he does not seem to care about anybody but himself.

I can’t entirely blame this person for being the way he is. The compassion that was instilled in me from my youth was absent in his life. When our circumstances have caused us to steel ourselves against seeing other people’s misery, it’s hard to build deep emotional relationships other people.

Part of connecting with other people comes from wanting to love and be loved. In my mind, a compassionate heart is vital to building lasting relationships. If a child is not taught how to have that compassion...then it’s going to be extremely challenging for him/her to form meaningful bonds with others as an adult.

When your child with Sickle Cell is in the hospital, there will be many opportunities to teach her about having sympathy for the children around her. In spite of your child's suffering, seize upon those teaching opportunities. If your child is left alone, who will teach those vital lessons?