One of the BIGGEST things that can cause a person to build emotional barriers around themselves stems from being left alone in a hospital as a child.
A hospital bed is a scary and lonely place. I was at church one day when a man was talking about his recent hospital experience. He said, “I’ve never felt more alone and isolated than I did when I was in the hospital by myself.” If a big, two hundred pound burly man admits how alone he felt in a hospital bed, then try to imagine how much more so that would be for a child. And trust me, it is a sad and lonely place to spend much of your life in; speaking as a patient.
After I had a massive stroke at the age of nine, I began receiving monthly blood transfusions. Every six weeks I was admitted to the hospital for 2-3 days. Until I reached the age of about twelve or thirteen, one of my parents stayed with me all through the night and most of the day. My mom would stay with me at the hospital during the day. Then when my father got off work, they would switch and my dad stayed with me all through the night. If I was alone it was only for a few hours at a time. My younger sister Kimi was a severely handicapped and full-care child. So it wasn’t an easy task to make sure that one of my parents was with me in the hospital as much as possible.
This was in stark contrast to what I saw from the families of many other children whom I shared a hospital room with. At that very young age I was acutely aware that many of the children were seldom visited. For some of these other kids, two, three or more days would pass before anybody would visit them; and often the visit was very brief.
I vividly recall one infant. I think I was ten years old. For the entire duration of my week long stay, nobody ever came to see or hold this baby. It laid in it’s crib, nearly motionless, entirely unloved. Though I was very young, I was emotionally impacted by that; and it’s something that still haunts me. I've often wondered what became of that baby.
When a child is left unattended in a hospital, things can happen. Some nurses can behave one way around parents and very differently in their absence. Young ambitious doctors can be too eager and aggressive in how they treat a patient. Two examples come to mind.
The first occurred when I was around ten years old. I don’t recall why, but the doctors needed to perform a spinal tap on me. I think my dad was with me during the tap, but had to leave for work immediately after. My mom would take her shift once she got my sister off to school.
After the spinal tap was over, the doctors told me not to move around too much for at least forty-five minutes or it could injure my spine. Later my mom showed up. When she saw me sitting nearly motionless in the bed serious faced, she asked what was wrong. “The doctor’s told me not to move for forty-five minutes,” I said.
“What time was that?” she asked. I told her what time the spinal tap was over with. “Jon! That was three hours ago!”
“I know. I was scared to move.”
In the words of my mother, “That is a good example of why a parent needs to be present.” Imagine if my mother hadn’t come that day. That fear I felt for three hours could have lasted far longer had she not been there.
When a child is continuously being poked with needles, prodded by doctors, and sometimes mistreated by apathetic nurses, and there isn’t a loved one present to provide love, comfort, and reassurance...emotional barriers build. Without the presence of somebody who is emotionally invested in the child’s well-being, that child feels:
• A gaping pit of loneliness within their breast;
• As though nobody cares whether they live or die;
• Afraid of what could, and is happening;
• Depression unlike any other.
Parents, if you have a child in the hospital, please, please be there as much as you possibly can. And if you cannot be there, make sure somebody the child loves and trusts is. Yes, there will be minutes and hours when your child is alone; that can’t be helped and is fine. What isn’t fine, what will have lasting negative consequences to your child's psyche is when he/she is left alone in a hospital bed far more than having a loved one present. It's my belief that a child who is left alone will become a lonely adult.
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