Emotional Effects of Sickle Cell

Most of what I share is of a personal nature, but this is a bit more so. I feel as though, in some ways, I have suffered a lot of loss in my life: I’ve lost a great many close personal friendships to betrayal, disagreements, and other kinds of fallout; I’ve lost my wife and daughter in a divorce; and I lost a sister who now dwells with God. As a result of these many lost relationships, I have created an emotional barrier around myself; or in Star Trek terms, I raised shields.

I have come to realize that I haven’t allowed myself to make an emotional connection with anybody for a very long time. I am of course close to family and certain friends. However, with most people, there is a depth of emotion that I am not allowing myself to make with others in the way I once did.

I was speaking to a couple of my friends the other day about this--they are a married couple--and one of them made an observation that really stuck with me. Her comment was basically this: “All your life you have endured a great amount of physical pain as a result of living with Sickle Cell Anemia. As a coping strategy, you’ve learned how to disconnect yourself from your physical pain; you’ve had to in order to endure the pain. It’s not a stretch to think that you have applied that to other areas of your life.”

I’ve had several days to think about that, and as I’ve pondered her words, I realized that she is 100% correct. I have learned to cope with all sorts of pain--be it physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual—by disconnecting myself from it. I want to emotionally connect with people in a deeper way than what I have been allowing myself to do. Coming to this realization is a good first step.

One of my reasons for sharing this is help shed some light on an invisible complication of Sickle Cell. Living with this illness, we endure levels of pain that are unimaginable to most people. To endure that pain, and how it impacts our life, we all find our own ways of coping with it. The pain we endure not only impacts our physical body, but our state of mind as well. My point is, if I have learned to disconnect myself from my emotional pain the same way I do my physical pain, then I am betting there are others out there who have done, and are doing, the same thing. I hope by sharing this realization with you, it will cause you to look inside yourself and ask, “Am I also doing this?”

My second reason for sharing this is directed toward people who do not live with Sickle Cell. Awareness. Awareness. Awareness. People need to be aware that Sickle Cell doesn’t just affect our body, but also our emotions, our relationships, and how we interact with others. Sickle Cell Anemia impacts us psychologically more than we sometimes realizes; and I also think that often goes unaddressed and underestimated by others.

It’s important for us to take time to introspect, to ponder the ways our illness emotionally influences us in negative and positive ways. I personally am trying to look within myself and see how I can improve upon myself, upon the relationships I have, and improve upon the relationships I want to have with others. I encourage you, my readers, to do likewise.