I recently read a post on the Sickle Cell Warrior's Facebook page from a concerned father. His teenage child with Sickle Cell is prone to angry outbursts. This child is far more temperamental and short fused than his other children were at the same age. He wondered if this was typical of Sickle Cell children.
Looking at my own life, I know I went through several periods when I was very angry. The first angry-phase I recall going through was when I was fourteen. For whatever reason, I took out all my anger and frustrations out on my older sister. At times, I was very cruel with my words; it’s one my biggest regrets in life.
Both my parents and my sister were patient with me. Being admitted to the hospital every month for blood transfusion therapy; being rushed to the ER in the middle of the night on a regular basis; missing weeks of school and fun with friends; the constant threat of doing something to cause agonizing pain; and living with the belief I wouldn’t live to see my eighteenth birthday...all of these things, and a hundred others, contributed to my anger. I eventually grew out of my angry adolescence. Without the spiritual foundation of my faith, that brief angry period would have festered into a lifetime of rage; of this I am entirely certain.
¶ For any teenager reading this who may be battling the angry demon, I encourage you to find an outlet, find a way channel those negative feelings into something else. Writing, art, music, or appropriate athletics. For me, writing in my journal and dancing (tap and jazz) were my outlets. They really helped me cope with all the crap my health slung at me.
I also recommend that you develop your spirituality. People may let you down but your faith never will. Your religious convictions will provide you with a light that will see you through the darkest of hours. Were it not for my belief system I know I wouldn’t be alive today. Darkness would have consumed me and I would have given in to the anger I battled as a teen.
I also suggest that you talk to people about what you’re feeling. When I was a teenager, I kept everything to myself. I didn’t talk to my parents about my feelings; and since I really didn’t have many close friends at that time in my life, I didn’t talk with friends about many things that I probably should have. Sharing your struggles with loved ones or even counselors can be very beneficial. Try not to bottle things up inside.
¶ For parents who are struggling with an angry teenager, my advice is pretty much the same as above. Be patient and understanding of your child’s plight. There is so much going on beneath the surface of your child. I know for me, death was always on my mind, even at a very young age.
Most people go through life believing they will live forever. Coming to terms with one’s own mortality frequently does not occur until well into their adulthood. For many Sickle Cell patients, thoughts about death and dying are foremost on their minds. I know it was for me. Consider your child may have a hard time believing they will see their next birthday, live long enough to get a driver’s license, graduate high school, be married, have children, or a thousand other things in life. Not everyone with Sickle Cell experiences this, but many do.
I think the angry times in my life were fueled by this belief. I was absolutely certain I wouldn’t live to see eighteen let alone forty. In fact, for most of my life, I loathed the idea of living another year. Help your child live with hope. Help them make the choice and hold the belief that they will live a long and happy life. Help your child embrace the good things in life. Guide them towards activities that will:
• Help them feel good about themselves
• Allow them to become excited about something
• Help them discover something they are good at
• Help build their self-confidence
¶ My final commentary about anger for my Sickle Cell readers is, avoid it. I’ve found that anger, like all negative emotions, only creates more complications to my health. I don’t know how many pain crises have been triggered by me becoming angry or upset. Keeping your emotions in check will go a long way at keeping your health in check.
Best wishes my friends.
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