Nearly 40 Years Old with Sickle Cell

I recently had communications with a young man who told be about a "very very close friend" of his who died from Sickle Cell Disease three years ago. I am always struck hard when I hear or read of such passings. It helps reaffirm to me how truly blessed I am.

Of my 116 hospitalizations, there were many that brought me to the brink of death at a very young age. From ages 9 to 19, my health was not nearly as stable as it has been from ages 20 to 39. Many of those childhood hospital visits were nearly my last; so many in fact that I can't remember them all.

There was a huge chunk in my life (I'm guessing from ages 14 to 28) when I would have been more than happy if God had called me Home. In fact, there were times in my mid-twenties when I begged God, with tears streaming down my face, to end my life. The idea of living another day was repulsive to me for a very long a time.

By the time my 30th birthday came around, a change had occurred in my heart, mind, and soul. I realized how selfish I had been for asking what I did. There was/is much in my life to be grateful for and to live for. For example:

I have three siblings that are quite a bit older than me. Between the three of them, they have given me eleven nieces and nephews. I remember holding each and every one of them in my arms as infants. Now, nearly all of them are adults. Several are married and have children of their own. Witnessing their marriages, watching them become parents...it's something I NEVER believed I would live see.

I've had experiences and built friendships that have impacted my life in powerful and positive ways as I have theirs. Every year I grow older, I am more surprised than the last to still be here, and more grateful as well.

My 40th birthday is nearly two weeks away. 40! I never dared to dream I would still be here; and I never dreamed I would be as happy as I am to still be here. It's a wonderful blessing and I'm very pleased God didn't answer my selfish prayers to take me Home when I asked Him to; and I'm so grateful I never took my own life, as I contemplated many many times in my twenties.

I admit, the past two years have medically been the most challenging of my life. There certainly have been moments when I thought, "God, please just take me Home." But those are thoughts that quickly pass. As much as I sometimes would love to be rid of this broken body of mine, there are a great many things in life I love more.

I hope every single reader of this blog embraces the truth that life is worth living. Yes, life can be hard. Yes, our condition will/does bring many challenges; but it's these challenges that make us who we are and make us better than we were. I truly pray you each cherish your life and find joy in it.